


Courage in Combat

by ralf



Series: Close to Canon [19]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s02e05 Dust and Shadows, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Minor Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-25
Updated: 2020-07-25
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:53:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25506997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ralf/pseuds/ralf
Summary: The carpet is soft under her fingertips.[Set during 2x05 shortly before Jocelyn's funeral.]
Relationships: Clary Fray & Isabelle Lightwood
Series: Close to Canon [19]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/936036
Comments: 2
Kudos: 20





	Courage in Combat

**Author's Note:**

> normally i'd try not to post two fics on the same topic in two consecutive weeks but the muse has Spoken and i'm her slave so pls bear with me XD

The carpet is soft under her fingertips. It feels out of place. Wrong. How can there remain any softness when Clary's world has fallen into shadows and sharp edges?

The fabric of the skirt scratches against her skin. It's so white, delicate, untainted.

Shadowhunters mourn in white. Before, when everything was still normal, when it was just her and-- She'd always thought she'd be wearing all white on a happy day. But like so many of her other dreams this vision has been destroyed, was crushed under the weight of her new life. A life that keeps taking from her. Her freedom, her future, and now... her mother.

Clary closes her eyes but the tears flow down her cheeks regardless. She digs her fingers into the carpet, fighting down sobs. Her throat burns. She feels so empty, so alone.

A rustle, the click of heels on wood. The scent of flowers.

“Oh Clary,” Izzy breathes. She's by her side an instant later and Clary collapses against her shoulder, burrows her face in Izzy's neck. Izzy holds her gently as she sobs her heart out, caressing her hair, her arm, her back. She's warm and familiar, her presence soothing. It's a slim sliver of comfort in a sea of anguish. Clary holds onto it tightly.

Eventually she withdraws from Izzy's embrace. She can't face her, gaze fixed on the soft gray carpet instead. The last spot her mother had stood in, when they had their last conversation. When Clary told her she wouldn't be going to Idris with her. Her mother had smiled at her, had brushed her hair back, had cupped her cheek. There had been nothing but love and understanding in her eyes.

More tears fall.

“The last thing she said to me,” Clary chokes out, “was that she's proud of me.”

She'll never again hear her mother's voice, feel her calming touch. Every memory of her hurts. She's gone, forever.

“I can't do this,” Clary whispers.

“I can't imagine your pain,” Izzy murmurs, lacing their fingers together. When Clary finally meets her eyes she sees that Izzy's are shining wetly, too. “I can't know. But I know this. You are strong, Clary, and brave, and you will make it through this.”

Clary shakes her head. She's not strong, not brave. She's nothing.

Izzy shifts and brings her free hand to Clary's upper arm, tracing the black lines there. “Do you know what this rune means?”

It's one of the earliest Clary received, when she was overwhelmed by all the things she didn't understand and everything happened too fast for her to make sense of it. When all that mattered was finding her mother. She sniffles, shakes her head.

“Courage in Combat,” Izzy explains. “It is for defying greater demons.”

The words shake a memory lose, of their first meeting with Magnus, of drawing a pentagram, of the searing pain when Jace carved the rune into her. It's nothing to how she feels now.

“It can be used outside of battle, too,” Izzy adds quietly. She watches Clary, an unspoken question in her eyes.

Clary swallows, then nods. If nothing else the pain of the rune might distract her from her aching heart.

The stele touches her skin, glinting orange and Clary welcomes the feeling of angelic energy rushing, tearing through her blood.

She doesn't know what she expects it to feel like, but the sensation reminds her of drinking a cup of tea on a rainy day. It doesn't really change anything but it makes the prospect of facing the outside world less daunting.

She breathes a little easier.

“We're with you every step of the way, alright?” Izzy squeezes her shoulder and Clary realizes, slowly but surely like a spring breeze, that despite everything she's lost she is not alone.


End file.
